Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
