Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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