As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We left the knife in your bed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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