I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
