that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
