Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
