You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i dont even know how to be here
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
