Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
