Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
