I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize