there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
