Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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