i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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