A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you would pick up someone in the library
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He better not be in your backpack
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize