Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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