If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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