is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
