a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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