Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Randomize
