Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
