is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize