we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
