youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
