your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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