im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize