I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
