Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
