why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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