ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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