new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize