Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
