Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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