Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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