conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
