it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
