Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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