My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i think i have two assholes
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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