i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
