I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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