I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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