you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
