I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize