I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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