Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
