Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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