sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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