Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
