I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
