Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
