i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize