his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
