So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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