Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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