11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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