when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
