i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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