i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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