hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The Olympian is in my bed
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
