My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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