If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
