is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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