After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
