I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
