Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
