the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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